Is Your Lover A 1-Minute Man?


Most often, men be like “If I get a hold on you, you will come a million times”. Funny part is, women no longer take them serious. Why? Very few men KNOW  how to make love. Yeah! He’s been having sex since before I was born. He probably has a thousand notches on various bedposts, but did the ladies come? Abi he just humped for a minute or two and slumped like he climbed a mountain?

 

I know we are told (and warned) to steer clear of premarital sex. Its a sin. The dangers are limitless. You will be termed a ho’, slut, keziah, whatever term suits the male folks. True that! But, what if you hold on to that virginity, walk all proud and shit in white on your wedding day, anticipating orgasms on your wedding night, the likes of which heroines of Lynne Graham novels experience, only to have him give you a sloppy-saliva-filled kiss, grope your pert breasts and hump on you for a minute and climb down, leaving you not only unsatisfied but achy in that secret junction. What happens then? You become a sugar mummy? Buy a vibrator? Become a silent sufferer? Ha! Oh!

I am advocate for the rights of women. I have this to say to women. It is necessary to test the product before buying it. (But) that doesn’t mean you should go around kissing all the frogs in the swamp. No o! You be learner? When you meet “the one”, and he proposes or you propose and he accepts, it is not only prudent, it is also life saving to test drive that car. It might look like a Porsche but moves and sounds like a Keke Napep. Be not deceived, not all that glitters is gold.

Quote me right o! Biko kwa! I am NOT encouraging promiscuity. Far from it! I am encouraging togetherness.

If, however, he cant get it up or make you come, have him see a sex therapist. Not your Pastor or Reverend Father o! Those people rarely know anything about sex. They study the Bible and Philosophy not Karma Sutra. Besides, It is a sexual problem for sex therapists not a spiritual problem for spiritual directors. It doesn’t take a diviner to TELL us that sexual dissatisfaction is the no.1 cause of many divorces. Shying away from it, is not good for our psyche. Not as a single lady and certainly not as a Mrs. I will not keep quiet for fear of being called a radical. My people will say “i ga eji maka ifere noo ukwara?” – “Do not swallow snot out of pride.”

I once met this nice, beautiful 40something year old married woman with grown-up kids. She had sexual relations with young men, even though she was married to a handsome and rich man. I kept wondering why she was so “slutty” (Call me Judge Judy and I will answer you), until a friend of hers told me she told her (gossip matters. *winks*) her “sexy” husband don’t know how to do it. How disappointing!! He was hawt like Beckham but can’t get it done! Damn! The exterior was all Porsche but the engine was a Napep. *sad*.

I felt for her. Even though I still judged her, I felt pity for her. To be stuck with a 1-minute man is no joke.

 

So, ladies, like this gospel according to Egoyibo or not! The importance of test-driving that good looking Porsche can not be over-emphasized. So, make it a choice today.

Option A: The 1-minute man.

Option B: The vibrator.

Option C: The Sugar-mummy tag.

Option D: A sexually satisfying and loving marriage.

 

You can call a friend, ask the audience or take a 50/50 chance. Na you sabi! The ball is in your court, handle it with care. The packaging says “fragile”.

 

Have a fun week-end sweeties.  Lots of love and bear hugs.

 

Forever candid!

@CuteDollars.

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About Egoyibo Okoro

Beautiful. Friendly. Opinionated. Feminist. Scholarly. Apolitical. Christian. Sometimes, I write in Engli-Igbo and/or pidgin English. Just so you know, I am naturally disgruntled about a lot of things, most especially gender inequality, human rights abuses, racism and corruption. #EndChildMarriage. #EndTerrorism. #EndPoverty. #EndRacism. #EndImperialism. The Igbo say, "egbe bere, ugo bere, nke si ibe ya ebena nku kwa ya" - Live and let live!
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One Response to Is Your Lover A 1-Minute Man?

  1. 4llerbuntu says:

    Well, I Never!!!!

    Finally, a woman who is honest and reasonable enough in PUBLIC to say it as it is!!

    I agree tho. I became a convert to this line of thought when i dated a chick who got me on the straight and narrow till i discovered she was actually frigid

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