Diary of a Disgruntled Igbo Woman…Part 3!


Where two or more Igbo men are gathered, Isi ewu, Nkwobi, Pepper soup or Point and kill must be there.

One thing about having Igbo toasters are the free local dishes. They can like love food and good time! For Friday’s hangouts, you will get no complaint from me. I’m a foodie too, so… *smiles*.

My only problem is their really big and rotund pot bellies! How does a babe get used to that?! You want to hug a man and you collide with his rotund stomach first. You see them in their jeeps, looking good. Nwanne, ha ritu zia, ihe emee! Afor obulu uzor, nwoke ana eso ya.

This does not make for a good look, guys. Walking around with a perpetually pregnant man isn’t my idea of a good hangout. I detest those round things parked in front of them. Geez! Get a gym membership or jog.

Pot bellies are deal breakers, mehn!

 

The most annoying part is, these men don’t exercise and will continue to down “animals” and elongate the tummy, not caring for aesthetics or even good health.

Check out a typical Mama Sunday’s restaurant. She cooks with shaki, roundabout, odu efi, towel, uru anu, kpomo, etc. All these are cholesterol-filled parts of animals that have been attributed to heart diseases. Yet, our men down it speedily without pause. No dulling for that side. You will hear them shouting: “Madam tinye roundabout ya na uru anu there o!” Another one go shout “Madam achorom ofe ogbono e mixiri egusi. I ga entinye okporoko, uru anu na towel.”

Nwa there, nke a ka anyi na akpor nri! Onye risia, ola na afo. Umu guys ana ebu hari afo everywhere!

From Legacy to Ten Fingers; activity gbara kasa!

When you warn the man of the dangers of cholesterol and bad living resulting in imminent heart problems, he tells you “Ana abia uwa ugboro abuo?” What is my own?! Oya! Kporibe ndu inu? Make sure not to die young, is my advice. Because then, all that wealth you amassed, your Madam or Madams and the children will enjoy it well. As it is supposed be kwanu!

That reminds me! I once had a neighbor whose husband died young, leaving her his millions. Millions she didn’t have access to in his lifetime, because Oga was stingy. When e come die, Madam sharply “saved” his properties from im people, come sell some of im properties, establish herself and the children; started looking good and madamish. Sadly, the thing on everybody’s mouth is “heyaah! Lenu nwanyi a dibu ka nkiri nka akwa.” Call it insensitivity, but it is what it is. The man wasn’t a good husband or an ideal father and when he croaked, his beneficiaries had an easier life with the money he refused them or scrimped out, in his lifetime.

Nna, if you like eat your money alone without Madam. Chihariba umu di pino pino. Obesity and resulting heart problems dikwa real!

Otua ka ora m na onu o! Ndewo!

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About Egoyibo Okoro

Beautiful. Friendly. Opinionated. Feminist. Scholarly. Apolitical. Christian. Sometimes, I write in Engli-Igbo and/or pidgin English. Just so you know, I am naturally disgruntled about a lot of things, most especially gender inequality, human rights abuses, racism and corruption. #EndChildMarriage. #EndTerrorism. #EndPoverty. #EndRacism. #EndImperialism. The Igbo say, "egbe bere, ugo bere, nke si ibe ya ebena nku kwa ya" - Live and let live!
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